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It’s taking me a long time to write this but I think it’s time and some advice would be great.
I burnt my hand when I was around 2 years old so probably about 1990. I was running around and tripped over the iron cable and burnt the inside of my hand and fell onto my chest. My whole right palm is burnt. I just have a little scar on my chest.
I always found it very hard and still to this day to open up about my experience. I’m still bad for hiding my hand really quickly to people so I don’t expose it. My close friends and family have seen it and I don’t feel uneasy around them because they love me for who I am. But I find when I meet knew people, especially in relationships I find it really hard to open up about it with fear of rejection. I think it’s been the reason for a lot of my failed relationships because of my insecurities about it.
I always remember being in school and some of the boys looking at my hand and saying it was horrible and I think since then, I have this insecurity of being rejected/scared what people will think because of comments made to me in the past. Probably why I still hide it to this day. It would be nice to hear if anyone else had something similar experience and how they moved forward from it?
Thank you so much
Thanks for registering and posting to our forum. I’m part of the ABSUK admin team. I’m sorry to hear of your insecurity surrounding your burn scars. You are not alone in feeling this way, many burn survivors go through this. It can take some time for other burn survivors to respond on this forum so hopefully you will hear from someone soon.
We host an online live chat every Wednesday evening, 7.30pm – 9.00pm (UK time) where burn survivors and anyone affected by burns can join in to share experiences, ask questions, have a chat and support each other. It’s a private, safe space for participants to share freely. It’s online so you will need to type your dialogue.
If you are interested in joining in, you would just need to login any Wednesday evening then click the ‘live chat’ button at the top of the screen which takes you to the live chat page where you’ll need to click ‘join live chat’. The live chat is a very welcoming and supportive community.
Please feel free to join the live chat any Wednesday.
I am sorry to hear of your accident when you were young and sorry that your scarring is having a long term impact on your relationships and life. I am also scarred on my hand and arms and left side and I have over the years got used to exposing it day to day. Maybe as I can’t easily hide it, I have been forced to confront it more and therefore learned to live with the “new” me. I know that I hated wearing a watch for many years as it would draw my eye to my scarring which was then very red and angry. It is only in the past year that I have started wearing a watch (18 years on!).
Have you ever had any counselling to help you cope with your injury? It sounds like that would be a good step or perhaps talking to some other burn survivors might help too? We have to learn to love our skin again and this takes time and a lot of love and patience.
I am new to the forum. I had a freak accident 6 months ago where I caught fire.
I would like to share my story I reached out to this forum too talk and listen to people who know what it feels like, Also to share experiences with all that’s comes with burn injuries.
Hope I am in the right place.
I have also accepted I need coucilling and have had some sessions but it’s tough some days.
Hope everyone I doing OK 👍
Thanks for listening
Thanks for posting to our forum. I’m part of the ABSUK Admin team. So sorry to hear about your burn injury and please know you’re not alone in feeling it gets tough some days. There will be good days and bad days so it’s important to take things one day at a time.
It’s good you want to talk and share experiences with other burn survivors. I would suggest joining our weekly online burn support live chat which takes place every Wednesday evening 7.30pm-9.00pm on this website. The chat is in real time and our moderators are all burn survivors themselves. It’s a space where adult burn survivors and anyone affected by burns can come to ask questions, share experiences and mutually support each other. It’s a very supportive community and from what you posted, I think this may be of interest. You can click the blue ‘live chat’ button near the top of the screen to find out more about it. On the first Wednesday of each month, we do the chat as part online and part zoom.
A burn injury can affect you both physically and psychologically so it is good to hear you’re getting some counselling. Hope you’re able to join us soon any Wednesday evening on the live chat.
3 months ago, my dress caught fire while sitting near a garden chimnea. I have burns to both arms and hands as well as my left knee with large graft sites to both thighs.
I feel extremely lucky as if it wasn’t for diving in to our fish pond when my hair caught fire, I would have burnt to death.
My husband is a wheelchair user and did all he could to help and called and ambulance who thankfully were prompt.
After 3 weeks in the burns unit in Essex, I spent a month with my sister helping to look after me and my husband had to have outside care as I am his carer.
Things between us were rocky before the fire but since coming home, this is my 3rd week, my head is all over the place 😔
Questioning my life so far, why I survived, all the things I wouldn’t have got around to doing if I had died as well as coping with daily life while my fingers and hands don’t work properly.
I’ve moved in to a separate room at home and made it my safe space.
I’ve pushed through and concentrated on the physical healing and trying to get back to ‘normal’ but I feel I’m not that person anymore.
whilst in hospital I had regular visits from a Councillor who I really didn’t think I needed at the time. I do have thier number to call but I don’t know what I’m asking for.
I feel so lost 😞
My husband actually told me that I don’t understand what he went through and I get it was traumatic for him but it’s over for him. I have to deal with caring for and mobilising my hands every day as well as the tight skin on my arms and legs.
I don’t know what I expect in reply, I just needed to let it out.
It sounds as though you’re a real fighter if you were out of hospital after 3 weeks – well done!
I’m not sure how long your husband has been a wheelchair user, but I can imagine that in that moment when you caught fire, he must have felt extremely useless and unable to help you. I admire him for calling the ambulance so swiftly.
My experience with burns has brought about big changes in my life and what was ‘normal’ for me before is not ‘normal’ now and I’m OK with that (apart from not being able to go out in the sun that bit really gets on my nerves).
I wasn’t conscious for the first month or so of my treatment, so I’ll never truly see how it affected my family. If one thing has helped, though, it is involving my parents in discussions with mental health professionals; this has helped me and my parents communicate more effectively and live more harmoniously.
You might have done this already, but setting yourself some very basic goals regarding the function of your hands is a great way to start feeling less lost and more as though you’re moving towards something. The first time I tried to write after my injury, I wrote one word and then didn’t try again for a few weeks because of sheer frustration – I can now write with ease only 6 months after my injury.
Things will improve but it’s a very long road.
I am so sorry to hear of your accident with your Chiminea – these things can happen in a split second and be life changing. You are as you say lucky to have been able to dive into your fish pond and that will most certainly have helped to save your life. It is normal to feel that your life has changed from such trauma and it will take a lot of time and patience (and love) with yourself as you recover. As Tom says, things will improve and it will need patience as unfortunately with burns and skin these things take a long time and can be unpredictable. It is also quite common to find it difficult with relationships post trauma as it is hard from both sides – one to have experienced it but on the other hand to feel so helpless and to have witnessed it. Be kind to yourself and to your husband and please reach out for help. You are not alone – there are many burn survivors out there who have gone on to have happy fulfilling lives after their burns. We can help to support you but it is also important to have counselling if you can as this will help you to understand your emotions and help you deal with them and your changed body.
Please come on our weekly on line chat if you haven’t already to meet some other burn survivors – its every Wednesday night through this website and or reach out by email. There is a zoom as well every first Wednesday of the month should you prefer this.
With best wishes,