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ABSUK Forum
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Our forum is free and provides a safe place for adult burn survivors to connect and support each other by discussing and sharing their personal experiences of burns related issues. It’s easy to use: simply browse the ‘recent topics’ listed in each category to see what’s being talked about. You can post, comment or reply by clicking an existing topic or if you can’t find what you’re looking for, start a new topic by clicking into a category, click add topic, name it and type your message. You need to be registered to use our forum so please register or login
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Topic starter
30/12/2018 2:49 am
hello to whoever is reading this, this isn’t a shared experience rather it is an open question, As a young adult with ‘hidden scars’ i’d like to know when its appropriate to tell someone about them, how to handle possible rejection and how to allow myself be open to the idea of intimacy in a world where there restrictions on what is sexy is rigid……
09/01/2019 1:53 pm
hiya – its a tricky one.. personally i am fairly open as to my scarring but its definitely a difficult one – In the past I dealt with it by putting out there as soon as possible so that if rejection comes it comes sooner rather than later.. its like a sieve… weeds out the ones that are not serious.. but everyone is different.. x
infinite tears 101 reacted
14/02/2019 8:41 pm
Hi infinite tears 101
Some people are scared of spiders others not fussed.
A lot of people will be surprised and curious about your scars some will be ambivalent and some shocked.
The world is more open to diversity than ever. Your attitude towards your scars will set the stage for how others respond. No body wants them but they’re here so what can you do? You don’t highlight your faults on a CV so try and be calm about them, like an unusual birth mark.
The trauma that sits behind the scars is clear to you but invisible to others and sharing that depends on the type of relationship you are looking for.
Have faith there are nice people who will see you and not your scars, the others are just too shallow or immature.
Mark reacted
18/02/2019 8:32 pm
Hiya
I agree with what has been said before me. My scars are “out there”, so there is no hiding them, which can be useful in some cases, i.e., it is clear to see that I have scars.
I too am very “open” about my scars and don’t have a problem telling people about them.
I think your instinct will tell you when the time is right and, as has been said before, if the person does not take it very well, they were not meant to be with you anyway and they don’t deserve you. You want someone who is understanding and who will help you through any difficult times, not one who will run away.
It is hard because sometimes you never know when the time is right. Even for me, where the scars are “out there”, it is sometimes hard to know when to bring the subject up with people, far less ones that you plan to have a more intimate relationship with.
My right hand is very badly burned and it was something that I would “hide” away and try not to let people see. My now husband used to ask me; “Why do you pull your hand away from me”…this is the type of person you are looking for. He said to me “It’s part of you, I love every part of you”.
Good luck, they are a lot of great people out there and if you meet one who isn’t (and we all do at some point) ignore, rise above, and be thankful that you are not like them.
Shell xx