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ABSUK Forum
Welcome to the Adult Burn Support UK (ABSUK) forum
Our forum is free and provides a safe place for adult burn survivors to connect and support each other by discussing and sharing their personal experiences of burns related issues. It’s easy to use: simply browse the ‘recent topics’ listed in each category to see what’s being talked about. You can post, comment or reply by clicking an existing topic or if you can’t find what you’re looking for, start a new topic by clicking into a category, click add topic, name it and type your message. You need to be registered to use our forum so please register or login
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Topic starter
30/01/2022 11:34 am
Hi, all. sadly my and my wife separated at the end of last year. for the first time since I was a teenager my scars seem to have come into focus, I been with my wife for 12 years. so the dating experience has changed. its now superficial quick swipe left and right. I don’t hid who I am and making changes to be a happier person. including getting fitter etc. but I cant change the scars that I have up to now have had little impact on my relationships. My friends are telling me not to worry they don’t notice etc but my head isn’t in that place anymore. I know you guys will understand. Thanks Mark
MarkeyMark101 reacted
31/01/2022 10:22 am
Hi Mark, I am sorry to hear of your separation from your wife. That is not easy at the best of times. I think we all feel a bit low after the break up of a relationship, irrespective of whether we have scars or not. Online dating can be a very harsh environment for anyone, far less someone with scars so you are not alone in feeling that way.
I, also, didn’t have much luck with online dating but have met someone in day to day life. This can often happen but will take time and will happen when you least expect it, so you are doing the right thing concentrating on self care, making yourself happier and fitter. Try not to worry about your scars. Your friends are correct – the right person won’t even notice them. I always feel my scars help knock out the superficial men out there, saving me time sifting my way through them! Deep breaths and keep strong.
02/02/2022 2:17 pm
Hi Mark. So sorry to hear of your separation. As polski says; it can be very hard at the bet of times (with or without scars). I will echo what polski says and loved her last comment; her scars help to knock out the superficial ones”…BRILLIANT! I never looked at it that way.
I was the same; had separated and when my now husband came into my life, I was not looking, was just enjoying life. He never mentioned or bothered at all about my scars. In fact, I was more bothered about them, well not so much my scars but more so my “claw hand”. He asked me shortly after knowing him, why I never let him hold my right hand. From then on I didn’t care at all and it was actually him that gave me the confidence to show the scars on my arms. I used to cover the scars on my face with make-up, I now have no trouble at all going out with no make-up on at all. You will get there. Concentrate on making yourself happy and the rest will fall into place. Good luck. Shell
Topic starter
02/02/2022 2:44 pm
Thanks Both. I think being with my wife (and she was very much the same as your partners now) sheilded me from these concerns this last 12 years and even before that I had girl friends who where the right type of people. I haven’t had any concerns but the blow to my confidence this time has been surprising. I have put the focus on my wellbeing. Its good to have people I know have been though those feelings, by sharing with you I don’t feel the only one.